Tag Archive | blogging

2011 in review – akalol.wordpress.com


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

Crunchy numbers

London Olympic Stadium holds 80,000 people. This blog was viewed about 690,000 times in 2011. If it were competing at London Olympic Stadium, it would take about 9 sold-out events for that many people to see it.

In 2011, there were 57 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 713 posts. There were 189 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 41mb. That’s about 4 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was August 27th with 8,271 views. The most popular post that day was Snooki Made Simpler.

Click here to see the complete report.

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1,000,000


Victoria's Secret Models

This Beach Called Life, the blog you are reading, finally received one million visits a few hours ago but this feat took over 3 years to accomplish. Some blogs do 1,000,000 visits in 3 months but this blog is not that type of blog despite efforts to become one. There isn’t much to say on reaching a million only that the second million will depend on even more luck as the competition for blog space and corrupt minds grows.  A million is just a number and like eight inches, might seem big, small or typical depending what you are familiar with.

A casual and even formal look at the visits per post shows that Victoria’s Secrets models are very popular and a Topless Latoya Woods did not do too badly considering the amount of time she was exposed for in this blog and in front of photographers. I am particularly happy for Zoe Saldana’s Star Trekking ways, Freida Pinto’s Pretty Face, Megan Fox’s Sex Symbol and the nudity shown by Jessica Alba and Kate Winslet. I am always amazed at how Lose Women in Tight Jeans and local porn can get people to come.

This blog contains 635 post so far and if  you are one of those who are curious which are the most popular post, here are the top 45:

  1. Victoria’s Secret – Models Exposed 104,433
  2. Megan Fox Sex Symbol Revealed 47,966
  3. Nude Body Painting 38,003
  4. Jesssica Alba and Kate Winslet – Nudity 29,909
  5. The Bikini in 2009 – Still Almost Naked 28,311
  6. Michael Jackson – “This Is It!” 27,140
  7. Life on Mars and Halle Berry25,583
  8. The Dark Knight’s Dilemma 25,100
  9. Sexiest Women Alive, Really20,632
  10. Trinidad Carnival 2009 Pictures 19,155
  11. Freida Pinto – More Than a Very Pretty F 18,317
  12. Angelina Jolie vs Jennifer Aniston 16,338
  13. Porn in Trinidad and Tobago – Something 14,900
  14. Zoe Saldana – Star Trek 14,171
  15. Maxim Models 13,564
  16. Lady GaGa Wants to Take a Ride on Your D 11,579
  17. Iker Casillas and Sara Carbonero – Spain 11,191
  18. Some Women Would Rather go Naked 10,032
  19. Everything You Wanted to Know About aka 9,640
  20. Fast and Furious – Loose Women, Tight Je 9,414
  21. Time Traveler’s Wife – A Male Butt Movie 8,659
  22. Rihanna – Umbrella – The Song To Change 8,581
  23. The Dark Knight vs Titanic 8,517
  24. The Photography 7,716
  25. Trinidad Carnival 2008 Pictures 7,303
  26. Sex, Celebrities and Sex Tapes – Why Lif 6,853
  27. Movie Taglines – The Untold Story…So F 6,080
  28. Latoya Woods Topless 5,754
  29. Porsche Cayenne – Hot Like Pepper 5,466
  30. FIFA World CUP 2010 – Waving Flag – K’na 5,101
  31. Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe 2010 - 4,763
  32. Trinidad Carnival 2010 Photos3,996
  33. Psychic Predictions For 2009 and Beyond 3,724
  34. Why Golf Makes Men Horny 3,711
  35. Desirable, Sexy, and Beautiful Women 3,691
  36. Who Is The Iron Man And Do You Really Ca 3,465
  37. Latoya Woods – The New Miss Trinidad and 3,329
  38. Seven Pounds – A Weighty Movie 3,124
  39. Maria de Lujan Telpuk and the Playboy C o 2,981
  40. Aya Sugimoto Would Rather Go Naked… 2,824
  41. Kindle now available in Trinidad and Tob 2,656
  42. The Quest For The Golden Ratio 2,626
  43. Sex Tape – Trinidad and Tobago Style 2,601
  44. France Wins World Cup Exit 2,587
  45. Beyonce Good for Trinidad and Tobago 2,573
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How Not to Learn to Draw


early work by the former atrist turned blogger, aka_lol

early work by the former artrist turned blogger, aka_lol

I drew the picture about 5 or 6 years ago while learning to draw using the book, Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards. It was my attempt to reproduce a drawing from the book Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark. I wished I continued to learn since it is a skill I admire in those who can draw well. I also admire people who can write and those who can eat a wrapped chicken roti while standing without the roti suffering fatal structural damage and leakage.

Picasso, Nude Woman with Necklace 1968Recently, I saw a painting by the late Pablo Picasso and like the rest of the non-art world, I said, “What?” I have been saying “What?” about Picasso’s work since I have been seeing Picasso’s work. I suppose my reaction is typical and it is why he is considered a great artist though my reaction was initially one of “You call that art.” I am not here to argue if Picasso is great since popular opinion and auctions have settled that. I am only writing this post to encourage me to learn to draw as it will be my fallback position if this blogging thing doesn’t work out.

Art is never finished, only abandoned ~ Leonardo da Vinci

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A Blog Survey


This Beach Called Life - recent daily blog stats

This Beach Called Life - recent daily blog stats

People start blogging for many reasons but I think the main reasons are (a) because everybody is doing it, and (b) it’s cheaper than a short skirt. Soon, however, if we persist, we get very attached to our blog and it becomes a part of us just like our chiseled abs or our “Beyonce in a short skirt” desktop background. We worry about not posting and we assume once we write a post it becomes a significant part of the blog universe. We believe people read out blogs and hope it becomes a source of inspiration and envy just as our Nissan Almeras and women have become. Posting to our blog then becomes our fix.

beyonceThere is nothing bad about being addicted to blogging except it changes the way we look at the world causing us to go through life looking at every thing and every situation wondering if this could be our next blog post.

With this in mind, and in order to try to get a better understand the blogger’s mind, I developed a blog survey. I posted the questions below because I needed a fix but if you seriously want to help move blog science forward, then do the actual survey by clicking here.


1.0 Why do you blog?

(a)    It will be my legacy

(b)    I need attention

(c)    I need an outlet for my frustration

(d)    Sex

(e)   I am turned on by comments

2.0 Do you plan to sell the rights of you blog to a movie company?

(a)    What?

(b)    Once the price is right

(c)    Only if Megan Fox agrees to the lead

(d)    Yes, but the movie must contain no nudity during the intermission.

3.0 How many visits does your blog receive per month?

(a)    Over 30,000

(b)    20,000 to 30,000

(c)    Less than 20,000

(d)    Less than 100

(e)    What is a visit?

4.0 How often do you update your blog?

(a)    I am a freak of nature so I update daily

(b)    Less than 20 times per month

(c)    Whenever I feel lonely

(d)    Every time the government decides to build a smelter

5.0 Does your blog contain photos portraying tasteful or disgusting nudes?

(a)    It’s the reason I blog

(b)    No, I don’t believe in nudity so I shower with all my clothes on.

6.0 Will blogging ever replace parliament?

(a)    Never

(b)    No

7.0 Do you sleep in the nude or have arm pits?

(a)   Yes

(b)   No

8.0 Do you think Angostura Bitters adds to the taste of pelau or bland blogs?

(a)    What is pelau

(b)    What is Angostura Bitters?

(c)    No, since it makes the pelau taste like orange juice

(d)    Yes, since it possibly has small amounts of deadly poisons which can enhance the taste of pigeon peas and some bloggers

9.0 Have you ever blogged while eating?

(a) No

(b) Does food count?

10.0 What is your favorite blog?

(a) This Beach Called Life

(b) All of the above

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Megan Fox Sex Symbol Revealed


megan-fox-wallpaper

Megan Fox become a sex symbol seconds after she opened the bonnet of  the old, yellow, American car that was overheating in the movie Transformers. This bonnet-opening scene has since become a classic and permanently featured in the dreams of those fabled creatures called decent men. It was also the scene which pushed Angelina Jolie from the top of the sex symbol list and to get a tattoo upgrade. There were no special effects or cryptic back tattoos in that scene but only raw, sensual curves shot from all the right angles.  If there was ever an ad to promote sex symbolism it would be the Megan Fox Transformer overheating engine scene and nothing to do with Angelina Jolie’s back . I would argue that Transformers was successful only because of the hot Megan Fox and not because of the guy who also starred with her. His name fails me right now.

megan-fox-bra-wet-03For a girl to become a sex symbol there must be consensus by the mass media and especially by that new mass media called blogs.  Fortunately, this blog overwhelmingly votes for Megan Fox, not only to be a sex symbol, but to be the #1 sex symbol of 2009 and constantly in my wildest dreams.

I don’t think there is any one reason why the masses find Megan Fox sexy but certainly her easy to read tattoos help. Some women have their sex appeal enhanced by tattoos while others turn to body piercings and silicone. I would estimate that 90% of a woman’s sex appeal she is born with and 10% comes from highlighting the natural 90% on the screen, in night clubs, on the beach and in blogs. The paparazzi and blogs have contributed in a big way to the popularity of the modern celebrity and “leaked” photos and sex tapes have become part of the hype building.Megan-Fox

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What is Twitter?


twitter-logoIt is pointless. It is fun. It is one line. It is real-time. It is emotion. It communicates. It connects followers. It has no leaders. It encourages cleverness. It is stupidness.  It is short. It is sweet. It is tweet. It encourages slackness. It condenses thought. It can be global. It can be local. It is the new order.  It hurts the head. It numbs the brain. It causes migraine. It kills spam. It is spam. It’s made by man. It informs. It misinforms. It promotes.  It is a craze. It is a maze. It  may stay. It may go. It shreds language. It is a new language. It passes time. It wastes time.  It is addictive. It is restrictive. It is vast. It is personal. It is public. It is sexy. It is loose. It bonds. It is low-fat. It is light. It is life. It cures lice. It kills mice. It has no ticks. It can play tricks. It never shaves. It never bathes. It talks back. It is not a cat.  It is freedom. It is jail. It cannot get bail. It can make love. It needs no protection.  It cannot glow in the dark. It cannot take out a shark.  It’s on a Blackberry. It’s not a cherry. It can vibrate. It is sometimes late. It can be great. It can start a war. It can be more.  It conquers all. It’s like talking to a wall.

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Pro Max Apologizes After Removing Speedo


jesterPro Max finally took off his Speedo that he wore the whole time he was on his Mediterranean cruise and got down to writing his subjects a sorry letter. Ever since he heard how the people who paid his salary, but did not elect him, were calling for his head while he was on vacation, he thought of ways to keep his job. It was the best job he ever had and he wanted to keep it so bad. He loved his job even more than the country since it allowed him to vacation at the country’s expense. Pro Max thought if he wrote a three-page “I am sorry” note that he didn’t plagiarize he could get people to believe he wasn’t stupid. Stupid people write blogs not apologize, he thought.

ps3-mushroom-clownPro decided he would send the note after The Enquiry start back since people cannot feel two sets of pain at the same time. Pro couldn’t understand why the people were calling for his head since every other institution in the country was falling apart. Was he being victimized, he wondered. Pro Max thought even though he looked like The Guilty, sounded like The Guilty, and quacked like The Guilty, he would be seen as The Innocent once he admitted to being human. If all else fails admit to being human, was his motto. Pro Max felt if he avoided major issues like plagiarism and promises and instead talked about the next time and systems all would be forgotten. After all, he was having fun in Europe and didn’t want to come back home.

tt-speedoPro Max would blame his blunders and dishonesty on a few scapegoats and claim it was the dawn of a new era and debate. People always liked to hear about new eras almost as much as they liked hearing about booms and aluminum. Pro wanted to say the sky was not falling but that would be plagiarism. To appear humble while being arrogant is what Pro Max really wanted to do. That, and to wine up on his subjects.

Pro Max finally finished his sorry note and signed it. He hoped  the people would understand that even though he never said it, he was a Party Man and the Party ain’t done yet.

Please Complete – The Cabinet Note


humor_kiss_my_ass_red_shirtA Cabinet Note was discovered pinned to a tee-shirt which was found in a shinny, black, new SUV. Here is the content of that note and it is being made public for the first time.

CABINET NOTE:

Dear Cabinet,

Here is a list of things I want done ASAP since many, many years is a long time even by my standards (for those who don’t know or are just too stupid ASAP means As Soon As Possible and sometimes pronounced Ass Arp or Ass Up in your case). These things are not to be done for the Summit but for the lovely people. Please have all task finished at least seven days before 17th April.

  • Paint concrete dividers on the highway so that drivers and dignitaries will notice how clean they look and think our hands are also clean. Have no fear; we will stick posters on them before the Local Gov elections.
  • Cut trees in airport car park so that thieves can be seen smashing car windows to get to valuables and bags of bene balls left on car seats. Seeing is believing.
  • Cut trees near lighthouse to prevent the Sea Lots bandits from hiding in them. Those bandits will have to hide elsewhere so think of somewhere else for them to hide. Bandits are our friends and supporters.
  • Widen road near Light House so that people will feel we want them to come to town.
  • Get somebody at UDECOTT to make up another completion date for the white…I mean the Brian Lara Stadium.
  • Pave airport tarmac to accommodate VIPs (for those who do not know or are simply stupid it means Very Important Planes)
  • Cut bush where necessary.
  • Install CCTV where it matters.
  • Remove tints from cars so we can see who we looking for with the CCTV.
  • Move the homeless but make it sound humane. I don’t care what you do with them since most don’t have ID cards.
  • Promise the Unions dialogue since talk is cheap.
  • Lock down appropriate areas.
  • Promise the people anything to keep them from burning tires.
  • Monitor blogs which are critical of the Government and take appropriate action but keep action quiet.

p.s. Mr. Minister of Works, why am I paying a consultant to tell the public the steel no good. I have a good feeling to pay him from your cu…your salary.

THE BOSS

Bold Blackberry Blogger


bold12

Barack Obama might be the Blackberry President but aka_lol will soon be the Blackberry Blogger. The Blackberry is the productivity tool which will allow aka to replace doodling during meetings with blogging. With his Blackberry, aka will not only have access to email in real-time but he will now be able to impress women even when his batteries are low. The Bold is aka’s choice since it is a sleek device that is good to look at, nice to hold, and vibrates to get attention, much like aka. But the similarity doesn’t end there as both the Blackberry and aka can be soothing and addictive.

Charles Darwin and Blog Evolution – Origin of The Blog


blog_evo

Today, February 12, 2009 marks the 200th birthday of Charles Darwin, a man who discovered we didn’t just happen but evolved from some sort of blob or blog.  Unfortunately or fortunately, Charles Darwin did not have a blog in the form that exist today otherwise he would have received numerous hate-comments from those who would have preferred he renounced his Theory of Evolution on his death bed. He would have also received much praise and a blog award or two.  If Darwin was alive today he would not have become a celebrity woman-beater or taken a vacation on The Galapagos Islands but would have,  instead, written a blog post called the Origin of The Modern Blog.

Fortunately, this blogger is not like Charles Darwin and is still alive. This blogger is also Darwin’s very distant relative since we both evolved from the same mess. Having a couple of the same genes as Darwin, this blogger will now try to briefly explain the highly ignored and disrespected Theory of Blog Evolution:

When the first blog started several years ago it was boring. It consisted of the blogger lamenting the taste of oatmeal and his wife’s mother. Maybe he was a serial killer or pervert, I don’t know.  However, since that time, many blogs spawned from that one blog. Blogs branched out into several categories such as humor, politics, entertainment, hobbies, science, voodoo,  diaspora, activism, oath meal, nothing-really, and even boredom. Thankfully, not all blogs survived and the process called the natural selection of blogs weeded out unfit blogs but that did not mean the blog had to be perfect to survive. Good enough was all blogs needed to be and there are now too many of those. Yes, some blogs did change by chance and WordPress but they mainly changed to adapt to their environment. That environment could have been in the form of lack of visitors or even a lack of comments. It could also have been in the form of the war in Iraq, girl-hitting by a popular R&B singer, or even corruption in Port of Spain.

Michael Phelps developed a streamline body because he spent most of his life in water. Usain Bolt developed long legs to escape speeding gangsta bullets and fans in Jamaica. In the same way some blogs developed comment moderation to handle hostile comments and sexy spam while others that failed to adapt were crushed under the weight of sex and real estate for sale comments. Some blogs attached themselves to widgets to have some useful content or slick attractions for visitors while others shamelessly advertised on Google in order to survive. Unfortunately, blogs by themselves did not have the intelligence to know what change was right or wrong  and sometimes neither did the blogger. If the blog suited the environment the blog survived and some even developed into well-visited blogs with some useful content and produced a few good looking children.

This Theory of Blog Evolution is based on observation of the facts. It is not a pie in the sky or wishful thinking. As more fossilized blogs are found and studied the theory will  be modified accordingly and if necessary.

A Sexy Blog


sexy_1_400_1This is my response to an email and a blog post by Babooshka, the owner and creator of the blog – A Place For Small Things.

There is nothing wrong with sexy girls and guys or pictures of them and we, as unfortunate as it might first appear to the easily offended, live in a world driven by sexy. Cover girls and guys are always sexy. They may not always be slim but they are always sexy. Expensive cars are designed with sexy in mind with the sports car being the first alternative to sex invented, closely followed by marriage. With the exception of science magazines the brain is never used on the front cover. Photos of the butt at every angle have sold more beer, jeans, Slim Fast and dumbbells than photos of  that collection of 100 billion neurons ever did. Sexy and the quest for sexiness, either by becoming or observing, is the underlying motivator of our brains. To deny sexiness exist, and its expression necessary, is to deny life itself.

Susanna and The Elders - Rembrant

Susanna and The Elders - Rembrant

So, should blogs be sexy? Yes, but only if you want to get them noticed. But getting a couple hundred visits per day or a dozen comments per post doesn’t mean anything if the blogger doesn’t feel the post is important. I enjoy reading some of my most unpopular blog post the most because it was meaningful to me and the honest expression of my life – yes they might be cryptic to some.  We should not blog for attention but for our need for expression. What people write is important but what they imply is even more important. I don’t mean to say that blogs should be pornographic in nature and its writing and content vulgar. I feel pornography is for the depraved and the deprived, and possibly the married. Sexiness, on the other hand, is for those who live and see life as if alive.

Sexiness comes in subtle forms but vulgarity doesn’t. Sexiness is not only

Trinidad Carnival

Trinidad Carnival

the human form but the human form of expression. Sexiness is bold and daring. Sexiness can be shy but only when the shyness is confident. Sexiness is happiness that pleases the mind in such a way it causes the heart to beat even a fraction faster and the eyes to open a millimeter more. Great painters didn’t always paint sexy pictures of nudes but they also painted sexy pictures of landscapes where the viewer felt alive with that mild but tingly urge to reproduce.

A sexy blog post can contain the description of a mysterious sound in the blogger’s ceiling or even this post. Sexy, as I pointed out before, is how people express their aliveness. Sexiness is not a bad word but a great and natural feeling.

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