Every man knows a sexy woman when he sees one but may not know why he finds her hot, thinking it’s just breasts again or that dental floss g-string. Those feelings which a man gets that tells him a woman is desirable are biological and beyond his desire to control. It’s not a g-string clothed butt in isolation which triggers a man’s excitement but a part of the man’s brain which is used for, of all things, CXC maths exams to work out ratios.
When a man sees a woman with an exposed navel the ratio-lobe in his brain subconsciously and accurately does the following math: – ground to navel distance (including stilettos) divided by the navel to top of head distance (including hair piece and/or tiara). If that ratio works out to be approximately 1.6180339887 the woman is classified as sexy and the man’s brain quickly sends those tingly, sexy sensations to the appropriate male areas of the body. The male brain, being sex driven and little else, becomes happy and records in the back of his mind the image of that sexy woman for later use. A woman with the right ratios alone doesn’t make sexy and when she turns around so that the man’s eyes can finally see the woman’s face, a similar computation is done using the distance between the woman’s eyes and the length of the nose, length of smile, twist of the teeth and pimple placement. This facial calculation determines beauty, a part of sexiness. This concept of total mathematical sexiness gave rise to the popular saying “She looked good until I did the math.”
Fortunately, most men do not find a perfect female body to be the only form of sexiness and there are as many variations as there are short skirts and low-cut tops. To describe all these variations is beyond the scope of this blog post and author’s intelligence. However, there is one form of sexiness that hasn’t been analyzed mathematically and only empirically and that is the roll of the hips by a woman when walking towards or away from a man on either a normal work day or Carnival days. That hip roll, sway, gyration or wine can easily fill a man’s head with stimulating thoughts for days. Because most people realize how important the female hip roll is to world population growth, belly dancers and our local winer guls are held in high esteem in all countries. The term belly dancer is really a misnomer and to be a good belly dancer a woman should not have much of a belly but be a slave to the gym, low-calorie diets and waxing warm.
Wikipedia states that “Foreign accent syndrome (FAS) is a rare medical condition involving speech production that usually occurs as a side effect of severe brain injury, such as a stroke or a head injury.” In Trinidad and Tobago we are bombarded daily with people suffering from foreign accent syndrome and these brain damaged people are usually employed by desperate radio stations as announcers. For some reason, these people’s brains have all decided to be damaged in such a way that their accents sound American rather than Chinese. But there is a reason why American foreign accents are treasured and employed by radio station owners and that is because in Trinidad and Tobago, anything that is said with a foreign accent has more credibility than the same thing said in a local one. A local might say “Ohgahd! De water done, ah goe smell like ah ram goat now” as compared to the American “There is no water. Now I will smell like a real rat’s ass.” Because we live on a piece of land that is scarcely visible on a world map, many insecure locals feel they need to become like people who live in a bigger piece of land and to do this they try to speak like an American thinking if they sound foreign people will think they are smart but most end up sounding like they are both dotish and brain-dead.
Some say that is our colonial mindset but that was before my time so I am not sure. Weren’t the colonials British? This foreigner-knows-best syndrome has led to the radio stations adopting the foreign accent as the accent of choice. That‘s also why foreign contractors and consultants can run both amock and away with our billions but are still seen by the governments as our saviors and masters. Recently, an Englishman was imported at top dollar to head WASA because a suitable local with an English accent could not be found. The talk is that the government also wants to rid many other State Enterprises of its local accents and are strongly considering the return of the Canadian accent. No wonder Makandal Daaga is throwing a fit. But the only reason the Government will go foreign is to please those locals who refuse to believe in themselves and their country and instead believe an American nasal or a British up-there tone is better than a natural Trinidad one.
I don’t go to Maracas often enough and after many false starts during the last twelve months, I finally went in January. The shark and bake was drooling-good as always and the prices now seem stable and as affordable as KFC. I will say this again, do not kill a shark and bake with too many extras as you will miss the whole point of the dish.
I took a few photos of the beach but decided that there were only ten I cared to share. It was a hazy day with only a few people on the beach so early on a Sunday morning close to Carnival. This meant bikinis were in short supply as they were still asleep in their owner’s draws. This was my first outing where I tried my Sigma 28-300mm F3.5-6.3 DL lens. It’s an ok lens that won’t break the bank or reveal too much bikini detail when stretched to 300mm. The Sigma is a finicky auto-focus lens which is nice to walk around with by the beach or possibly even on Carnival days. I haven’t had the time to use the Sigma too much but when I do (I used it on Carnival Monday) I will post photos for inspection, if not admiration. Click for Maracas Bay photos.
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Let’s have some fun,
This beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Let’s have some fun,
This beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
I wanna kiss you
But if I do then I might miss you babe
It’s complicated and stupid
Got my ass squeezed by sexy cupid
Guess he wants to play,
Wants to play
A love game
A love game
Love Game – Lady Gaga
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta is Lady Gaga who is currently 23 years old, talented, rich, sexy, popular and bisexual. Being 23, talented, rich, sexy and popular are some of the most important ingredients for a good life but also being bisexual adds a strange spice to the sweetbread.
Lady GaGa is no Susan Boyle and that is why I like her. GaGa has a bad girl image and can probably get any man or woman she desires in bed or hammock. This is what most people would like to think but the lifestyle and sex life of the looking- too-sexy might turn out to be just as bland as the sex life of the man in the street since living up to sexiness can be harder than looking so.
Lady GaGa is fun, I hope, and the latest thing to hit the pop phenomenon charts in recent times. She doesn’t appear to be a brief encounter on the pop scene and looks like she has more staying power than most would like to give her credit for. Lady Gaga seems to understand that having nice legs and perky breast is not a big deal and an artist has to be more – like almost naked in public – if an artist wants to make it in the competitive world of pop music. If she becomes a vegetarian and takes up yoga early, Lady GaGa will last longer than Madonna’s marriages and most bikini wax jobs.
Girls with long legs have a definite advantage over the shorter-leg variety as they are seen as being much more beautiful by men; it is a biological thing. Pretty girls are also thought of as being more desirable than unattractive ones as are rich men with loose wallets.
There is a photo of Latoya Woods, the new Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe representative, in the Trinidad Express today showing Latoya lounging on a couch at The Hyatt – a couch I have favorably encountered in the past – and if you didn’t think she was a winner before, this photo will change your mind. She is easily a stunner with her very pretty face, long legs and other exciting dimensions. I will probably post that photo later if The Express, and or, Latoya promises not to take any legal, or other offensive and painful action, against me.
As I said in a previous post, it must be difficult to choose a Miss Trinidad and Tobago since we are a country full of pretty and exciting girls; some apparently more exciting than others but that is not for this post. I am not sure where or when the next Miss Universe competition will be held as Wikipedia is silent on that issue, but I will be keeping a keen eye on the new competitors, including the usually docile Miss Japan.
The picture above makes me glad I am not a woman because only as a man I can appreciate what a bikini beauty means to mankind. I am also glad I am not a woman because if I were, I would have entered the competition and blown away the hopes of the other aspirants, not only with my perfect Barbie-like proportions, but with my sensual charms and well placed dimples. I would have made mincemeat of those gray-headed judges and have them eating whipped cream from the palm of my hand. If I were a woman I would have those old geezers begging not only for more, but to not call their wives or girlfriends. Holding up my number and being inspected would have turned me on and unleashed my charms. My UWI education would have counted for something but only on my Miss Universe resume and not in my head. My beauty would have been the stuff men crave 24/7 and cost them their place in Heaven.
Forgive the rant above and though being a beauty competition judge is still my boyhood dream, I don’t envy the amount of bad-eye I would receive from the rejected contestants. Who am I to decide who is better than who, they would say. My score sheet and remarks would be etched in my brain and labeled “Top Secret” for security purposes. Maybe online voting should be part of the selection process to help point the aging judges in the right direction. Seeing too many bikini-clad beauties over a short space of time can only cause old men to bend and break. But I speak as an envious man with no training in either beauty selection or knowing a good thing when I see it.
The following is not considered neither sexist nor unentertaining by the author. What?
A woman’s butt can distract a man enough to make him forget what he is doing and who he is with. Both situations can be extremely dangerous. When a man is injured by the love of his life while looking at, or moments after he looked at another woman’s butt, the injury is considered both predictable and life-threatening. Doctors often remark “Butt-looking, I see” when injured men with the word PRADA imprinted on their foreheads are carted into the emergency rooms thought the world. Unfortunately, this injury is likely to reoccur given that, when it comes to butt-gazing, men never learn.
The CIA, a progressive interrogation agency, is now experimenting with making suspects talk by briefly showing the suspects a cute, real butt clad in a tight bikini, a sight almost never seen in the suspects’ country. The suspects are then denied a second look until they talk. This technique is likely to generate numerous suspects. The new interrogation program is secretly known as “Show me the butt” and model recruitment is taking unusually long.
Product placement experts are now using the potential of the butt to sell almost anything to men. Butt level is the new eye level and products, previously unpopular to men, like chocolates, mushrooms, and insecticide are now placed at butt level to generate sales. This product placement technique is being lambasted by moralist since they claim it encourages slackness in supermarkets. Sales of Bop and Fish insecticides have recently skyrocketed and are now the insecticides preferred by real men.