A well placed tattoo on an average or good looking woman can amplify her sexiness in the eyes of a beer-drinking man in more ways than a micro-bikini alone can. I like tattoos on women but find the ones that are too large or take the form of a short story or GPS coordinates take away from the woman’s sexiness. From my observations, a sexy woman should have no more than three or four small tattoos, of which one should be above the ankle, one on the bikini line and the other two should only be visible to that special someone or gynaecologist.
Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox are two sexy and heavily tattooed celebrities who may not be as popular as they are today if their skin was virgin. Gone are the days when a sexy female celebrity can maintain media attention with talent alone. The modern day female celebrity must come up with ways to defend and maintain her sexiness using modern tools such as leaked sex tapes or other forms of nudity. However, the commonness of leaked tapes has caused celebrities to rely more on ancient tools such as bikini-line tattoos and body piercings. To constantly remain in the news, celebrities, via unnamed but well placed accomplices, leak information to the media and bloggers about hidden body piercings that were done at the dead of night by a famous piercing artist known as “Lobes.”
Angelina Jolie, apart from going high-tech with tattoos of the GPS coordinates for the birth places of her children, has a bikini-line tattoo which says “Quod me netrit me destruit.” Maybe she was targeting priests and Romans with that one. Megan Fox has a tattoo just below the bikini line which says “Brian” but being a man, I thought it said “Brain” as a man’s brain usually resides below the bikini line. Why would the sexy and in-demand Megan Fox want to condemn herself to only one man is a mystery to me. On the bright side, the world is full of Brians and I am sure Megan Fox knows this.
In keeping with the competitive nature of celebrity sexiness I am giving the reader the opportunity to vote for the Best Tattooed Female Celibrity:
- PIC: Megan Fox Flaunts Sexy Six-Pack Abs in Bikini (omg.yahoo.com)
- Megan Fox’s Bikini Takes Hawaii (justjared.buzznet.com)
- Megan Fox for Armani: Silent and Sexy (thehollywoodgossip.com)
- Sexiest Celebrity Bikini Pics (socyberty.com)
- Megan Fox Joins the Ranks of Celebrities Who Regret Their Ex Tattoos [Tattoos] (gawker.com)
This Beach Called Life, the blog you are reading, finally received one million visits a few hours ago but this feat took over 3 years to accomplish. Some blogs do 1,000,000 visits in 3 months but this blog is not that type of blog despite efforts to become one. There isn’t much to say on reaching a million only that the second million will depend on even more luck as the competition for blog space and corrupt minds grows. A million is just a number and like eight inches, might seem big, small or typical depending what you are familiar with.
A casual and even formal look at the visits per post shows that Victoria’s Secrets models are very popular and a Topless Latoya Woods did not do too badly considering the amount of time she was exposed for in this blog and in front of photographers. I am particularly happy for Zoe Saldana’s Star Trekking ways, Freida Pinto’s Pretty Face, Megan Fox’s Sex Symbol and the nudity shown by Jessica Alba and Kate Winslet. I am always amazed at how Lose Women in Tight Jeans and local porn can get people to come.
This blog contains 635 post so far and if you are one of those who are curious which are the most popular post, here are the top 45:
- Victoria’s Secret – Models Exposed 104,433
- Megan Fox Sex Symbol Revealed 47,966
- Nude Body Painting 38,003
- Jesssica Alba and Kate Winslet – Nudity 29,909
- The Bikini in 2009 – Still Almost Naked 28,311
- Michael Jackson – “This Is It!” 27,140
- Life on Mars and Halle Berry25,583
- The Dark Knight’s Dilemma 25,100
- Sexiest Women Alive, Really20,632
- Trinidad Carnival 2009 Pictures 19,155
- Freida Pinto – More Than a Very Pretty F 18,317
- Angelina Jolie vs Jennifer Aniston 16,338
- Porn in Trinidad and Tobago – Something 14,900
- Zoe Saldana – Star Trek 14,171
- Maxim Models 13,564
- Lady GaGa Wants to Take a Ride on Your D 11,579
- Iker Casillas and Sara Carbonero – Spain 11,191
- Some Women Would Rather go Naked 10,032
- Everything You Wanted to Know About aka 9,640
- Fast and Furious – Loose Women, Tight Je 9,414
- Time Traveler’s Wife – A Male Butt Movie 8,659
- Rihanna – Umbrella – The Song To Change 8,581
- The Dark Knight vs Titanic 8,517
- The Photography 7,716
- Trinidad Carnival 2008 Pictures 7,303
- Sex, Celebrities and Sex Tapes – Why Lif 6,853
- Movie Taglines – The Untold Story…So F 6,080
- Latoya Woods Topless 5,754
- Porsche Cayenne – Hot Like Pepper 5,466
- FIFA World CUP 2010 – Waving Flag – K’na 5,101
- Miss Trinidad and Tobago Universe 2010 - 4,763
- Trinidad Carnival 2010 Photos3,996
- Psychic Predictions For 2009 and Beyond 3,724
- Why Golf Makes Men Horny 3,711
- Desirable, Sexy, and Beautiful Women 3,691
- Who Is The Iron Man And Do You Really Ca 3,465
- Latoya Woods – The New Miss Trinidad and 3,329
- Seven Pounds – A Weighty Movie 3,124
- Maria de Lujan Telpuk and the Playboy C o 2,981
- Aya Sugimoto Would Rather Go Naked… 2,824
- Kindle now available in Trinidad and Tob 2,656
- The Quest For The Golden Ratio 2,626
- Sex Tape – Trinidad and Tobago Style 2,601
- France Wins World Cup Exit 2,587
- Beyonce Good for Trinidad and Tobago 2,573
- Trinidad pair to be tried in U.S. over airport fraud (reuters.com)
- Williams, Pinto raise money for Agassi’s charity (topinews.com)
- Zoe Saldana, Lea Michele make People best-dressed list (omg.yahoo.com)
- al gore scheduled to talk about “thinking green” in trinidad and tobago (greenantilles.com)
In her latest movie, Angelina Jolie is Salt – Evelyn Salt, a tight-skirted CIA official who is accused of being a Russian spy. I think the name Salt is well chosen since common names like Evelyn Maharaj or even Evelyn Kathiravelupillai would hardly attract the traditional spy movie crowd. The most popular movie spies over the years were characters with simple names like James Bond and Jason Bourne since the popcorn munching multitudes are usually incapable of remembering long names during complex plots. Apart from the traditional spy names being easy to remember, the names usually pointed, in subtle ways, to important aspects of the spies’ character. Jason Bourne sounds like Jason Born, an amnesiac spy who is unaware of his murdering past so he unknowingly becomes a guilt-free, born-again truth seeker. James Bond, a more experienced, gadget toting secret agent tries to bond with all attractive females from several nations in two hours without any diplomatic or emotional fallout.
I can only speculate what the name Salt will have on our subconscious. I suppose if she’s on a table we might think of her as Table Salt or when she gets old and hard, Rock Salt. In the mandatory Mediterranean bikini spy scene she would be considered Sea Salt. During those steamy love scenes we may think of her as tasty but Salty. If she happens to be Jewish then she will become Evelyn Kosher Salt.
I predict the Salt movies will have a long and successful future because Evelyn Salt will be a great enhancement to the male dominated spy movie world. A sexy female can do little wrong on the big screen with the right skirt and cheekbones.
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Kate Beckinsale is Esquire Magazine’s new Sexiest Woman Alive. I don’t disagree or agree since sexy is as subjective as the selection of Miss Universe or Cabinet Ministers. Kate Beckinsale is 36 years old and her age did not work against her selection. To be sexy at 21 is no big deal but to be sexy at 36 might require talent and plastic surgery. I suppose Kate Beckinsale was up against the girl Rolling Stone Magazine is calling America’s Sexiest Bad Girl, Megan Fox, who is reportedly prone to temper tantrums and tattoos, both sexy traits that men look for in future girlfriends and wives. Mrs Fox also reportedly said that she wasn’t born with a special vagina.
No doubt, Kate Beckinsale was also up against the perennial Halle Berry, Scarlett Johansson, Angelina Jolie and Beyoncé Giselle Knowles so her win is not a sham. But sexy is not only for the famous who show ample amounts of leg to the public, it is for the commoner. If you take a walk down the streets of any big city not suffering from inhibitions and fear you would see many sexy women who could compete with the best fame has to offer. But like tight jeans, short skirts and visible underwear, fame and hype amplifies sexiness. Sexiness means money and is used by the entertainment industry to give value to the lives of celebrities. It can be said that sexiness is what celebrities start with and a book deal is what they end up as.
In Trinidad, and to some extent, Tobago, the Julie Mango is considered the Queen of Mangoes for its wonderful flavor and soft flesh which doesn’t leave strings between one’s teeth. Julie Mangoes fetch the highest price among Trinidad Mangoes thus it encourages the most skillful backyard thieves. A Julie Mango tree is short by comparison to say a long mango and starch mango trees making it preferred by the sensible and the people living in small plots of land in sophisticated residential areas around the country. Everybody who wants to create an impression says they have a Julie Mango tree and it bearing and sucking good . Nobody ever says at dinner parties, I have a long mango tree because long mango is considered unrefined. Eating a Julie Mango at your desk can be challenging if you want to eat it without cutting it into two faces and the seed and not look like a pig since it’s a very juicy mango.
Some say the Julie Mango got its name from Angelina Jolie and her juicy mangoes but most experts doubt this since the name Julie Mangoes predated the phrase Jolie’s Mangoes.
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Megan Fox become a sex symbol seconds after she opened the bonnet of the old, yellow, American car that was overheating in the movie Transformers. This bonnet-opening scene has since become a classic and permanently featured in the dreams of those fabled creatures called decent men. It was also the scene which pushed Angelina Jolie from the top of the sex symbol list and to get a tattoo upgrade. There were no special effects or cryptic back tattoos in that scene but only raw, sensual curves shot from all the right angles. If there was ever an ad to promote sex symbolism it would be the Megan Fox Transformer overheating engine scene and nothing to do with Angelina Jolie’s back . I would argue that Transformers was successful only because of the hot Megan Fox and not because of the guy who also starred with her. His name fails me right now.
For a girl to become a sex symbol there must be consensus by the mass media and especially by that new mass media called blogs. Fortunately, this blog overwhelmingly votes for Megan Fox, not only to be a sex symbol, but to be the #1 sex symbol of 2009 and constantly in my wildest dreams.
I don’t think there is any one reason why the masses find Megan Fox sexy but certainly her easy to read tattoos help. Some women have their sex appeal enhanced by tattoos while others turn to body piercings and silicone. I would estimate that 90% of a woman’s sex appeal she is born with and 10% comes from highlighting the natural 90% on the screen, in night clubs, on the beach and in blogs. The paparazzi and blogs have contributed in a big way to the popularity of the modern celebrity and “leaked” photos and sex tapes have become part of the hype building.
While we wait for clan member, Pro Max, to send us his Speedo photos from destination x, I decided to post some photos of Angelina Jolie’s tattoos as seen in the movie, Wanted. I take the risk of being removed from the integrity shortlist by posting this animated file I snapped together but at least I didn’t try to fool people into thinking I took these photos of Angelina last, or any night.
I think the entire movie was made just so that this scene could be included. I don’t know the relevance of the scene to the movie or understand the code of the tattoos but I enjoyed looking at it very much.
I hope the animated file was not distracting and you eventually found the time to read these pointless words.