Horning For Dummies


According to the Trini Dictionary the word horn or horning means to cheat on your spouse or lover, as in “She horning him like reindeer!” or as I like to say “He get more horn than a garbage truck on Frederick Street.”

Though horning in Trinidad and Tobago goes on quietly, and too frequently behind closed bedroom and office doors, the ones that make the public happiest are the ones taking place with celebrities. People were always entertained by celebrity-hornings but I think the resurgence in public interest started with the iconic golfer and horner-man, Tiger Woods. More recently, there were rumours that Sandra Bullock may have been a victim of her husband’s infidelity and the public shame made her suddenly cancel a public appearance in the UK. I can only imagine how difficult it was for Sandra Bullock to go on stage and accept an Oscar, which represented the panicle of her career, while knowing along with the world her husband had secretly enjoyed a different main course for desert. Naturally, her husband expressed regret and I suppose if he was not found out he would have little to regret.

In Tiger Woods’ case, he was the horner and in Sandra Bullock’s case she was the hornee. People would say being a hornee is harder than being a horner but I can only imagine the agony Tiger Woods must have endured over the last few months trying to figure out why horning is bad for endorsements.  There are many reasons why people horn but the only good reason is that people think they could get away with it. I don’t know anybody who is being horned or horning anybody and that might be because a good horn is always secret. Horning is not a good thing and should be avoided daily. Most hornings end up in disaster similar to  chewing a stiff piece of curried goat but unlike chewing stiff goat meat, a pressure cooker cannot help.

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Zoe Saldana is Hot in Avatar


I found Zoe Saldana so hot in Avatar I missed how complex the plot was. Most people who saw Avatar left the cinema with a deep sense of awe and revenge. I went away that as well but mainly with wondering why more women are not shaped like Neytiri .

Avatar is a special effects movie which builds to a climax where, like nearly every action movie, the cigar-smoking, macho bad guy is killed in a way to make the audience feel so good they would recommend the movie to friends. Avatar is different though, because it is a pro-forest, pro-native, anti-exploitation, anti-corporation movie with special effects that cost more than the Haiti earthquake relief effort. But Avatar was made, not to rake in over a billion dollars at the box office or to win awards, but to teach the world why we must not cut down trees or become greedy corporation bastards seeking wealth and fame.

Moral issues aside, the star of Avatar was Zoe Saldana aka Neytiri, the sexiest girl on Pandora but who is more concerned with saving the forest and falling for and then having sex with an Avatar than going to nightclubs or Planet Earth. Zoe Saldana has proven over the years she is an extremely good actress but I am wondering if nominations should go to Zoe or to her computer-transformed character, Neytiri.  I hope Zoe in Avatar is not treated like an animated character by the awards people because the acting was mostly real and only the feminine proportions were enhanced a bit – but isn’t plastic surgery also a type of special effect.

Time Traveler’s Wife – A Male Butt Movie


The-Time-Travelers-Wife-eric-bana-2695338-1500-1000Some might say Time Traveler’s Wife is a Chick Flick since is contains more male nudity than any movie in my recent memory. The reason for the mostly backside male nudity has to do with the fact that people can travel back and forth in time but not their clothes. This quirk makes it embarrassing for the time traveler when he arrives at some random destination at some random time; usually near a clothes store. For this reason I don’t recommend women pick up time travel even as a hobby since women are fussier about clothes than men.

Time travel at random and unpredictable times makes for a mushy love story with some blood and minor sex scenes. Time Travelers Wife (formerly a book) is also a movie containing good looking actresses and actors, Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana. Beauty had to be an important part of this movie because love stories with ugly people are on their way out since there is too much ugliness in the world and on the streets as it is. It’s hard to say if the Time Traveler’s wife is a tear-jerker but at Movietowne the lights went on later than normal at the end  so I couldn’t say for sure. I heard some coughing  but that might be mostly people trying to finish their popcorn.

Yes, I would recommend you go see Time Travelers Wife if you are a guy with the need to impress a chick and she will be impressed if she goes with you. You will not only impress her it will give her a famous butt she can compare your sorry butt to. Rachel McAdams‘s butt wasn’t too bad either.

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F-Word – The BBC and Christian Bale Fiasco


WARNING!!! STOP!!!

YOU MUST BE OF A CERTAIN AGE TO VIEW THE POSTED VIDEO!!

Before you press play on the YouTube video there is something you should know. The video contains the f-word and was shown by the BBC on national TV, hopefully by accident. The BBC expressed great remorse and the announcers were on the verge of tears. One broadcaster even said “Oh f***” but the microphone was fortunately turned off.  I know it’s childish to even use the word f-word instead of the real word since your daddy and mommy probably use the f-word in your presence and even when calling you (f-wording child, come here!) but the world is always offended by the truth so we must hide it.

The f-word in the YouTube video was repeatedly uttered by Christian Bale during one of the best actor-outburst in recent actor-outburst history. Mr Bale is a famous actor who became famous for dressing as that superhero so many impressionable children and women with a thing for men with muffled voices adore, Batman. Bale also makes a few extra dollars from acting in imitation Terminator flicks. This can upset some and his use of the f-word can also.

The f-word-offended would include people and priest – holy men actually say bless you my child instead of the f-word – who never use the f-word regardless of prevailing conditions such as stubbing recently stubbed toes, trying to put on a condom in a crowded airplane washroom, seeing the PM up close, talking to a TSTT customer service representative, looking at the West Indies play cricket, seeing a Newsday editor, or trying to find a new Kevin Baldeosingh article to read on a Friday.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED SO PRESS PLAY AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

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Angelina Jolie – Wanted – Nude


angelina-jolie---Wanted-1

While we wait for clan member, Pro Max, to send us his Speedo photos from destination x, I decided to post some photos of Angelina Jolie’s tattoos as seen in the movie, Wanted. I take the risk of being removed from the integrity shortlist by posting this animated file I snapped together but at least I didn’t try to fool people into thinking I took these photos of Angelina last,  or any night.

I think the entire movie was made just so that this scene could be included. I don’t know the relevance of the scene to the movie or understand the code of the tattoos but I enjoyed looking at it very much.

Angelina Jolie is not only a great actress but a great canvas for art. I can see why Mr. Pitt was swayed the way he was.

I hope the animated file was not distracting and you eventually found the time to read these pointless words.

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