The prayers of the people of Trinidad and Tobago are working and as proof of this the head of the IRO said things could have been worse. What more proof do we need. Because of this revelation I would like support the IRO and Government of this semi-blessed land of Trinidad and Tobago and urge people to pray, not just more, but better. People should now pray 24/7 rather than at bedtime or during a hold up. A newspaper reported the Prime Minister saying “Pray in whatever way you know. When you pray from the heart, God listens.” Which probably explains the high murder rate and confiscated cans of local orange juice.
I am thankful that the error in my praying has been identified and my prayers will now be heartfelt and focused. I will pray that all political parties be exorcised of drug smugglers, money launderers, bribe payers, bribe takers, pimps, wife beaters, child abusers, the power hungry and those dotish people who think fiction is fact. I will pray that no drugs exported from this country ever be be intercepted. I pray that nobody from our land is extradited to the US to face drug smuggling charges but instead be kept in this murderous and treacherous land called Trinidad and Tobago to face the righteous music and curry duck dished out by our AG and friends.I know my prayers will be acted on by the One who normally listens since this time the prayers would be from the heart and not the intestine as in previous cases. My bad.
Ever since it was discovered in the US that 700 cans of Trinidad orange juice had cocaine hidden inside, the citizens and well wishers of Trinidad and Tobago became anxious and with baited breath are still waiting to know who the true exporter of this juice really is. Surely this must be the work of the mysterious and elusive Mr. Big. Could this be the moment we have been waiting for donkey’s years? Mr Big is the mythical and probably real figure who hides in plain sight among the commoners and dignitaries alike.He is the local drug kingpin with powers that would be the envy of any politician or leader. In fact legend says he is, and has always been, the real ruler of the land for countless years. Mr. Big is the local Keyser Söze.
Some say he started with bags but others say foreign used cars or maybe scotch. Nobody really knows. With things going a little astray overseas recently, the hidden ruler and master of the local drug world is calling on all his politician friends on all sides, to defend him against the foreign, evil oppressors who find his juice in poor taste. The population is skeptical that Big would ever be caught and identity ever known because of his connections in high places. Naturally, most feel the manufacturer of the juice is not the exporter of the coke and the one who will be charged might be a headless sardine in the cesspit of the local drug trade.
I think it was in very poor taste that the exporter would risk tarnishing the image of a product that is iconic to Trinidad and Tobago and loved by all. As a country, we should stand up against those who want to get rich regardless who or which country they destroy on the way. And if for no other reason Big or Sardine make ah jail it should be for tarnishing the image of the nation for a few big cars and rolly polly women.
Mr Speaker, before I begin I want to acknowledge an immense debt of gratitude to the Prime Minister whose astute leadership has caused the PP to not only win not one damn seat in the Tobago House of Assembly elections but also to lose the Chaguanas West by-election in the UNC heartland to the more astute Jack Warner by a big, big margin. By doing this she distinguishes our public affairs and has created the conditions for higher levels of confidence in our economy and society. Ent?
THINGS ARE GROWING AS WE SPEAK
Our economy is growing. Inflation is down. We have lowered food prices, a matter which was impacted this year by the removal of the VAT on food such as red beans in cans – a Sunday staple in homes with food, and canned mini chicken hotdogs which, I am told, might assist in causing cancer due to its high nitrate content. But not to worry as we are once again promising to build an oncology (cancer treatment) centre but more on that oldie but goodie later. I just want to add that the economy is growing along with the bank accounts of the select few.
Mr. Speaker, the issue of Government’s procurement mechanism has been outstanding for too long. This, as you can well imagine, is a mechanism which will make the awarding of favours to party shareholder and the chosen few a bit more difficult. Needless to say, this will not go down well with the up and coming briber and bribees but I am sure there will be the customary loopholes cleverly fitted into the act thus continuing to make politics an attractive field for the scum at heart.
LAND AND BUILDING TAX IN YOUR…
Mr. Speaker, if there was one phrase which one can be called misguided it will be that ominous and overused phrase “axe the tax.” Off the record I want to say that we are an under-taxed nation and are too damn happy, yes. Still off the record, I want to commend the former PM for understanding the concept that one can never truly own something physical and it is at the states pleasure one is allowed to say so. Now back to the budget. All I want to add to this topic is that we, your most loved and adored Government, will ensure your property is fully taxed despite promises of my predecessor. This tax will be designed so that you will wish you had opted to squat instead of purchase. First, the tax will be gentle and the same as you left it then it will rise to a point where instead of planning your little vacation to Mayaro, Tobago or Florida you will be planning to pay tax and more tax. This measure will ensure that there is enough money to maintain and exceed the current levels of skulduggery in government. Remember, what the well-off always says to the poor – Happiness is a state of mind not the pocket.
HIGH QUALITY JOBS
Mr. Speaker, do you know what a high quality job is? Well, Speaker of the House might be one even if you are not your own boss. However, in my books, a high quality job is one where one is paid quite a few million on leaving a top post at a financial institution only to pick up the one as Minister of Finance, another high quality job. But since most in this country will never be able to be so blessed, we have decided to use the term high quality jobs to define jobs that are not CEPEP. Any way, we created a few of these high quality jobs and if you have one of those then good luck with it. Wasn’t RBC retrenching people and creating high quality jobs? It’s all about the spin. I kid you not.
GASOLINE VEHICLES CONVERSION TO CNG
Mr. Speaker, this topic is now a long-standing joke and a good one at that. However, I think this latest attempt will be fruitful as billions of tax payers’ dollars are being spent on new company which will attract the right financial talent. Need I say more?
CRIME DOES PAY WELL
The problems witnessed in the recent upsurge in crime are created by those who have made deliberate life decisions to make a decent living by becoming high quality criminals. Crime, in this land of equal opportunity, is really a risk-free endeavor, unlike other activities like driving PH taxis or walking down the street. Fortunately for citizens we,on both sides of this house, know how profitable this life of crime can be and so as to reduce unemployment to lower levels than the current stated and boasted about low level, the government may offer potential criminals a greater incentive to branch out into other similar activities like politics. We intend to open up the field of crime to any citizen who show a passion for the art form of politics.
Mr. Speaker, the Government has continued to roll out its own CCTV network so as to appear as if it’s doing something to make our streets safer. What I can’t say in this speech is if this initiative is working, if the cameras are monitored by high quality people or even if they are connected to something. Crime is a profitable field as any contractor who was awarded contracts from the government knows. We will continue to make crime our top priority and crime contractors can rest assured their bread will continue to be generously buttered by the government using taxpayers’ dollars.
HOUSING FOR THE CHOSEN
This one is once again a no-brainer and that is why there is always a big in-fight as to who will get to be the Minister. But I digress needlessly. Mr. Speaker, this government is always concerned about votes and houses and the two go hand in hand. What I do want to say however is that this government will pay for most of your higher education but will not even lift a finger to ensure you, the middle income professional, can afford a house. To hell with those who expect the government to care about these couple thousand votes. Besides, there are big big people who will rent you a home in a crime hotspot for anywhere between $5000 to $8000 a month. That is the policy in a conch shell.
HEALTH AND DEATH
Mr. Speaker, most of us here will be healthier if we were to lose a few pounds, drink a four or five fewer, smoked a couple packs less and walk a little more. Our health policy should be revolving around providing crime-free green spaces for jogging, walking, and cycling instead of mouthing that nice politically sounding phrase – building new hospitals. But, in order to get votes we must give the people both their poison and their antidote. So, we aim to build more hospitals so that more citizens can get sick and seek medical attention at the same time. We will put aside plenty money for this initiative.
EDUCATION AND DANCING
In a nutshell, Mr. Speaker, the major education imitative of this Government can be summarized in one word, laptops. And not just laptops but laptops handed out by our astute leader so as to try to get votes. Mr. Speaker, though laptops are popular in the schools I am led to understand lap dances are nearly as popular these days.
TOURISM IN A FEW WORDS
Mr. Speaker, Trinidad and Tobago is a nice place and despite the street crime, traffic and floods that creep up on you like a thief in the night, we do expect tourist to flock to this country. Don’t ask me why cause I don’t know.
Mr. Speaker, we propose to plant more in Trinidad and Guyana thus making no one happy. However, Mr. Speaker, once we find a way to make the select few party shareholders rich, we will allocate more funds to this so-called critical sector.
Mr. Speaker, who elected Kublalsingh?
Mr. Speaker, there should be much more to say but the same things are said every budget and like nearly all budgets of the past, these words are empty. I can’t stress how grateful I am to present this statement of wishes. Thank you and see you soon.
When someone asked me what I thought about the latest cabinet reshuffle my mind drew a few blanks. That is when I realized that I never posted a blog about our almost-very-own Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj was born Onika Nicki Maraj in the year 1982 in the tiny, bustling town of St. James,Trinidad and Tobago. However she, along with her parents, miraculously escaped alive from Trinidad and Tobago when she was just five years old. After the daring escape she grew up in a safer city in the USA called New York. An obviously talented girl, she changed her name to Nicki Minaj as she entered the world of celebrities who can make money. Currently she is 30 years old and also a very successful ” rapper, singer, songwriter, actress, and television personality.”
In 2012, Nicki flew to Trinidad and shot the music video to her then latest single, Pound the Alarm. In the video some of the exceptional women of Trinidad and Tobago were featured resulting in Trinidad and Tobago being promoted as a must-see tourist destination with women.
In Pound the Alarm Nicki Minaj says:
Yo, what I gotta do to show these girls that I own them
Some call me nicki, and some call me roman
Skeeza, pleez, I’m in Ibiza
Giuseppe Zanotti, my own sneaker
Sexy, sexy that’s all I do
If you need a bad b-tch
Let me call a few
Here are some screen shots that I captured from the Vevo HD video of Pound the Alarm – enjoy.
The contestants for the Miss World 2013 Beauty Pageant, which is to be held in Indonesia on September 28th, can be seen here – contestants. All the contestants are the usual suspects – pretty, hopeful and visibly female. Naturally, some are more likely to win than others but very few can agree on which ones are.
This year Sherrece Villafana will be representing Trinidad and Tobago at the Miss World competition. Apart from being very pretty, Sherrece is a 110-pound, pleasantly small-boned model from South Trinidad who attended Ste Madeleine Secondary School. According to the Trinidad Newsday, Ms Villafana is also a second year student studying for a BSc in Graphic Design at COSTATT.
In preparation for the competition, Sherrece is training in the usual model things like staying slim, walking seductively and also practicing for what some say is the hardest part of the beauty competition, a part that has wrongfully turned several of the most beautiful girls in the world into a total mess – question time. However, I think Sherrece should not be bothered too much with this question segment as it is highly overrated by viewers and is only a feeble attempt by pageant organizers to appease those intellectually stunted feminist who refuse to understand or admit what female beauty really is – power over men.
May the most powerful win!
Provocative angles and overall sexiness is a sign of life
Despite hundreds of thousands of dollars from the usual sources pumped into the by-election campaign, the ruling party lost by a margin that makes huge look small. As the results started to come in just after eight last night, loud screams of pleasure could be heard throughout the country as it became apparent that Mr. Warner was beating the U.N.C along with their arrogance, vindictiveness and dignitaries to a proverbial pulp. Though the majority of citizens were not entitled to vote in the by-election they were satisfied that the people in power (PIP) was being taught the lesson they refused to learn over the last few years.
A very embarrassed and slightly tipsy P.M. has blamed her election loss on the the abundance of those flashing blue lights on her dignitaries’ Prados. She theorized that those blue lights had a negative effect on voters in the Chaguanas West constituency causing them to see green instead of yellow at the polling stations. She however thanked family and friends appointed in those select positions for all their loyal support. The P.M. was also high in praise for the party’s many loyal contractors for their donations which were used to prop up failing newspapers rather than feed the poor or buy blankets for the homeless. “Serve the contractors, serve the contractors, serve the contractors” she was heard to mutter in between sips.
Random Thought 1
A vote for Jack is really a vote against Kamla.
Random Thought 2
If Jack were to win the Chaguanas West by-election the newspaper headlines would read something like – Jack the Giant Slayer – Chaguanas West Goes Green – Jack Makes Kamla Turn Green With Envy.
Random thought 3
If Kamla were to win the headlines might read – Jack Falls Down So Kamla Holds On To Crown
Random Thought 4
For the many Green supporters in Trinidad and Tobago Jack, despite his reputed international affairs with money, is seen as more honest than the Kamla cabal. Before the Peoples Partnership got into power Jack was the moral and financial backbone of the party. Now that many contracts have been awarded and many of the select contractors paid, Jack’s money is now frowned upon by those who once were in love with it and slept with it nightly. Jack is no longer needed to fund the UNC’s twelve full-page, full-color, please-please-please-vote-for-me ads in the Newsday on Sunday 28th July. To the majority of supporters of the PP, Kamla and company, after the unexpected big election victory, gave the spoils of the land to a small handful of financiers, completely forgetting why the country voted against the Manning regime. Despite the outcome of the Chaguanas West by-election Kamla and Company must understand that a large section of their supporters are extremely dissatisfied with their performance and they are seen as vindictive, greedy, dishonest, and self-serving. The Kamla-led UNC cabal is seen as no different to Manning and his madness and probably are even worse.
Despite all the learned talk, the Chaguanas West by-elections is not about good governance since the average citizen of this country has no idea what that means or care to Google it. The successful candidate in this election, aka voters’ choice, will be the person who the majority wants to be in charge of their most primal need, the need for proper box drains. We are a country, despite possessing valuable natural resources for decades, are still dreaming of having big box drains in our communities with water flowing so fast that it will have no time to turn green or mine fish. What voters have come to realize is that whenever Parliament meets it is to decide, after all is said and done, how proper box drains will be distributed throughout the country.
We as a country complain publicly about the high crime rate, Clico and HCU thieves, corrupt people in government, low IQ people in the media and stray bullets in our living room since those are the things every living human must complain about in the open. However, those public concerns are not our real concerns as we realize they are like bachac, impossible to get rid of safely. For citizens of this country our box drain life is like our sex life in that we don’t talk about it publicly unless it is damn good.
In choosing a box drain leader, the people of Chaguanas West will have to go with their guts. We all know that Jack, the owner and CEO of the Independent Liberal Party’s (ILP), has listened to more box drain woes from citizens of this blessed land than any person on the planet. Because of his compassion for the box-drain-challenged, Jack is considered by many to be the foremost box drain authority in the country and probably the entire universe. I am not sure how much Kadija, the United National Congress (UNC) candidate, actually knows about box drains but she has been campaigning in the area with the Prime Minister, giving out gift boxes which might be symbolic of both future box drains and empty promises inside. Avinash, the Peoples National Movement (PNM)’s candidate, is a farmer and because of his party’s track record may prefer to build an aluminum smelter or church with state funds. Regardless of the victor in these elections there will be fireworks on the night the results are known with the country being the biggest loser.
According to the Ministry of Health’s website:
17. Does the Tobacco Control Act really prohibit advertising? Under which circumstances is advertising of tobacco products allowed?
Indeed, the Tobacco Control Act has placed prohibitions against advertising.
There are, however, some limitations to the prohibitions:
A person may advertise a tobacco product by information advertising or brand preference advertising by way of:
a. A publication that is provided by mail and addressed to an adult smoker who is identified by name.
b. A publication that has an adult readership of not less than eighty –five per cent (85%)
c. Signs in a place where children (under 18 years) are not permitted by law.
Please note that these allowances do not apply to lifestyle advertising* or advertising that could be construed on reasonable grounds to be appealing to children.
The loophole which the eager-for-revenue local newspaper people might use in carrying this cigarette ad is that children don’t read much anymore and children see newspapers as a legacy product waiting to become extinct.
I, an adult by age, was drawn to this ad and my initial reaction was “so cheap.” No doubt this latest salvo by a clever company had more than the bland informational effect it was supposed to theoretically have. I almost had the urge to run down to the nearest dealer and start my addiction while I still had a few extra dollars. Though cigarettes are at the top of the list of addictions that will quite likely kill you in several ways, so to does alcohol, fried chicken, corn curls, cell phones, fast cars, promiscuous shapely women and political parties.
I don’t think this cigarette newspaper ad was necessary and it was in very poor taste. All that was needed was the dealers carry a pamphlet with the new prices which informs the addicted why they are paying more for their own tragic demise. Why should the nonsmoker also have to know about the latest price increase while being tempted to look cool with minty breath? Greed for increased profits at the expense of human life is usually the answer.
Jack Warner is hoping to be selected as the candidate for the now vacant Chaguanas West seat as a UNC member. This seat was made vacant by Mr. Warner himself as a reputable report was released worldwide stating Mr. Warner was less than honest in his financial football dealings over the years. The Prime Mister, unable to ignore credible evidence for a change, finally expressed shock and horror which angered or embarrassed Jack into resigning. Nobody knows. This report has probably worked in his favor as now no one can say they think Jack Warner was a dishonest man.
From the full page ads and reports reaching this blog, Mr. Warner, like the UNC executives, will go down fighting. Jack has popularity among the poor and romantic as his weapon, and the UNC, it seems, has the ability to victimize anyone who is observed to be part of Jack’s motorcade and support. Both sides are wielding big sticks against each other with the end result favoring Jack over the pretentious but powerful. Jack’s secret weapon is well known and that is to go as an independent candidate thus leaving the seat open for the Opposition to grab. Let the games begin.
Our local history textbooks of the very distant future will say how Jack Warner was a somewhat good man but misunderstood by tens of millions worldwide, including Andrew Jennings, Camini Marajh and a several investigators. Jack would be compared to Robin Hood even though he never shot an arrow or stole from any one person. He would be portrayed in some books as an urban legend, a mythical figure who the skeptical skeptics would say, despite photographs, political speeches and audit reports, never existed. Such kindness and cunning could never lie in the heart of the same man, they would say. The books will present scores of photos showing Jack handing over cheque after cheque to delighted people who worshiped him as a God with money.
History will say he was a man known for his willingness to build box drains for the poor and downtrodden. The books will acknowledge that despite his many flaws and law suits, he would eternally be known for his ability to listen to the problems of the frustrated on a weekly basis and act appropriately, unlike the other Members of Parliament who rose to legendary dignitary status after winning an election. Jack Warner will be known as a man who did some right but no wrong locally.
Like all urban legends, Jack will linger on minds of both the mindful and mindless. His parting would be seen to be an aborted reentry by his friends and backstabbers alike since the Prime Minister could no longer fake ignorance of one man’s deeds twice in one term.
An interview with Mr. Warner which never happened:
Reporter: Mr. Warner, will you now be resigning from Cabinet?
Mr. Warner: Resign! Resign? Based on what? Some foolish report that ain’t even worth the paper it was written on. Resign! Yuh mad or what. Any Tom, Dick and David could produce a report and all yuh tripping all over alluh self with it. I tell you, I never hear so much foolishness in all my life. All yuh gullible yes. Anybody see me thief any money? All yuh have it on CCTV? No, but all yuh saying Jack thief this and Jack thief dat. Mark my word, one day the truth will come out and it wouldn’t be nice. Mark my Word! Everybody after Jack. What it is I do all yuh so. Anybody see me thief ah property? Dey have it on YouTube? Nobody see me tief ah dam thing but all yuh saying I is a smart man. Not one single solitary soul see me thief but dey saying I must resign. Dey go have to goe before me. Mark my word. I never hear anything so foolish in any country before. If is mih back all yuh want to see ah goe take off mih shirt yuh knoe. Look, I have nothing more to say only to say one day the truth will come out and it wouldn’t be nice, Mark my word. Ah gone, ah have to take care of the crime in de country. Laterz!
UPDATE: Jack Warner has finally resigned from cabinet. I wonder if any other resignations by JW are in store?