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How to Live to be 100


One Hundred

One Hundred

It’s scary to live to be one hundred, especially when you realize that one computer glitch at the pensions department can cook your goose. Everyday you live means you are closer to death and nobody wants to have to think about death but at one hundred what else is there to think about except sex. Dr Oz, Oprah’s medical guru in scrubs, advises that flossing is important if we want to live long and healthy lives. He said that we should also floss if we want to have a good sex life and having good and frequent sex is important if we want to have a rocking old age. When a one hundred year-old woman was asked if an active sex life played a part in her living to be one hundred she replied that it still does. She gave new meaning to the term “boning.”

Living to be one hundred will be no fun to anyone unless you have enough money and your health. The longer people live means a greater strain will be put on the resources of a country and that is why the health services are not looked after seriously in some countries. It is also why in some countries prevention is usually given lip service by Health Ministers at sod turning ceremonies for the neighborhood fry-food joints. Doctors also are not too keen on prevention since prevention cannot buy houses, cars or women. Countries with small population growth can usually weather financial storms and look after the elderly better than countries where the phrase έλεγχος των γεννήσεων (birth control) looks like Greek.

I am very far from being one hundred but my research on Oprah and Google provided this advice for those who want to live long enough to see a change in Government :

Exercise

Floss

Save

Laugh

Help people

Have pets

Get regular medical checkups

Eat good foods

Breath good air

Avoid aluminum

Drink good water

Avoid fried foods

Don’t drink and drive

Read good books

See good movies

Listen to good music

Be creative

Avoid bandits

Have friends

Laugh

Avoid toxic people especially family members who are in your will

Have plenty sex

Have plenty safe sex

Help People

Save some more

Have some more sex

Avoid mirrors

Use silicone only when necessary after seventy

Exercise some more

Have Pets

Find more friends

Blog

Laugh

Die happy

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, George Burns said, “No … he’s dead.”

Five For Fighting – 100 Years


The lyrics to the song 100 Years was previously posted on this bog post because I couldn’t think of anything to say in my blog. I still don’t have much to say but I will remove the lyrics because it made my blog post appear too long and also I didn’t write the lyrics so I could technically be sued for copyright violations or something sounding like that. Please enjoy the video and it’s being hosted on YouTube, the greatest invention on the Net since the Blog, and the people to take any legal action against.

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