Archive | February 23, 2011

Ravi B digs out own eye then apologises


If for weeks I thought I was the front runner for winning $2 million via text message votes and didn’t win despite scores of expensive radio ads urging people to text for me, I might also think about inciting my fans to pelt whatever suitable projectile they could find at short notice. If I had a hairstyle like Ravi B I would never think somebody with a normal haircut and who looks like he is at least a generation older than me could beat me on text. This would be like Machel losing to Ravi at the Soca Monarch finals. It is true the winner, Ricki Jai, came out of a big White Oak bottle to start his performance but I doubt that would have caused the big difference in votes. Maybe it was Ravi’s performance or people’s love for White Oak and Water.  It could also be that many texters were under the influence while texting so mixed up Ravi with Ricki.

I was planning to throw an all inclusive fete next year so I too could get rich and was thinking of paying Ravi B to perform but now I might just ask Neisha B alone. Dr. Moonilal said Ravi B did not win because it was not his karma and also the Minister is suggesting Ravi B be charged with inciting violence as the country is now one role model short. The DPP already has so much on his plate so I doubt he will ever find the time to charge another celebrity with some trivial, plastic-cup offense in our country, the murder and corruption capital of the real world. With this latest celebrity outburst, the Chutney Soca Monarch is in need of some common sense so I want to recommend from next year the first prize for the competition be $500,000 if the winning song is about the delights of drinking alcohol and $2 million if it is about anything else.

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