If for weeks I thought I was the front runner for winning $2 million via text message votes and didn’t win despite scores of expensive radio ads urging people to text for me, I might also think about inciting my fans to pelt whatever suitable projectile they could find at short notice. If I had a hairstyle like Ravi B I would never think somebody with a normal haircut and who looks like he is at least a generation older than me could beat me on text. This would be like Machel losing to Ravi at the Soca Monarch finals. It is true the winner, Ricki Jai, came out of a big White Oak bottle to start his performance but I doubt that would have caused the big difference in votes. Maybe it was Ravi’s performance or people’s love for White Oak and Water. It could also be that many texters were under the influence while texting so mixed up Ravi with Ricki.
I was planning to throw an all inclusive fete next year so I too could get rich and was thinking of paying Ravi B to perform but now I might just ask Neisha B alone. Dr. Moonilal said Ravi B did not win because it was not his karma and also the Minister is suggesting Ravi B be charged with inciting violence as the country is now one role model short. The DPP already has so much on his plate so I doubt he will ever find the time to charge another celebrity with some trivial, plastic-cup offense in our country, the murder and corruption capital of the real world. With this latest celebrity outburst, the Chutney Soca Monarch is in need of some common sense so I want to recommend from next year the first prize for the competition be $500,000 if the winning song is about the delights of drinking alcohol and $2 million if it is about anything else.
The Bands for this year Carnival are returning to the Savannah causing happiness in some who were previously unhappy. This move back is seen as so important that the theme for Carnival 2K11 is “Back to D’ Savannah” aka “Forget Manning.” The National Carnival Commission, which is the body responsible for organizing Carnival celebrations inTrinidad and Tobago, has a budget of TT$130 million of which TT$45 million is for prizes. The Soca Monach and Chutney Soca Monarch competitions carries the biggest prizes with a first prize of TT$2 million each. These huge prizes caused a reinvigorated Machel Montanoto not only enter the Soca Monarch competition after a long absence, but to also to declare on February 4th to a group of adoring fans that included Attorney General Anand Ramlogan, he will lose 20 pounds for the Competition so that he can fly off the stage easier. No doubt, Machel will be on the extremely effective and easy to follow diet by Timothy Ferriss which guarantees followers will lose at least 20 pounds in four weeks without breaking a sweat or eating a chicken roti.
More Bikini and Beads
The first prize for Band of the Year is however only TT$1 million which might have something to do with the alleged huge profits band leaders make selling Mas Players bikinis and beads that are used to entertain locally while generating employment overseas. Minister of Arts and Culture and former US Marine, Winston “Gypsy” Peters, has threatened band leaders, and by extension all mas players, with a 1,000 to 2,000 percent increase in taxes on readymade costumes in an effort to create local, glue-gun jobs and show band leaders who is boss.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words and you can Google it if you think I am making this up. I saw it on Yahoo today and was happy I wasn’t required to learn to spell this word in school as I might have died from it.
By now everybody knows the longest word in the dictionary is Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosiswhich is 45 letters long and the second longest is our friend hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, which has 35 letters. Long words are nothing new to modern man as some websites have long but meaningful names such as trinidadcarnivalpictures.com. Some people also have long names such as the fast bowler Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas aka Chaminda Vaas. But then there is Nomatophobia, which is the fear of names, even short names like Vaas, I suppose.
The movie, Black Swan starring Natalie Portman gave me a better admiration for ballerinas because the movie shows how competitive and obsessive a sport ballet is. Black Swan is rated 16+ in Trinidad and Tobago which gives the impression The Board of Film Censors showed it to some 15-year old children and realized they were almost ready for the lesbian sex scene. Progressive.
Black Swan is not for everyone, and some may find it a disturbing movie because of the blood and sensuous lesbian sex. The lesbian scenes may be the selling point of this movie for straight men as men normally take to ballet like a man takes to housework. These scenes were convincing or at least they convinced me that this might be how it is for competing ballerinas after a night of partying and a little drugs. I think The King’s Speech will take Best Picture for all the typical reasons but there is something haunting about Black Swan which says it deserves more than a simple Best Picture Oscar.