Archive | October 2007

The Pencil


The Pencil

I am sitting in an empty meeting room waiting for everyone to come late. There is a nice looking pencil on the table. The rubber looks unused. I am tempted to take the pencil, but I know my life may be changed forever if I do. I learnt that from TV. I grab the pencil and put it in my shirt pocket. I make my choice. I feel regret mixed with excitement. It feels good. I am sure no one would miss it and I doubt I would ever be a suspect. I am too good looking. It’s comforting to know the police have stopped searching for anything. They mainly run errands. I still need to have an alibi because I realize stealing isn’t only the act, it’s a process that never ends. I must have eternal vigilance. I will claim I took the pencil because I thought it was mine since, like the Nissan Almera, they all look alike. People are starting to come in the room and I am suddenly self-conscious. I think they are all staring at my pocket and my new pencil. I start to behave stranger than a work of fiction. I take the pencil and start to draw on my notepad instead of making vital notes. I draw a stick-figure policeman and a working police car. People are starting to make fun of my drawing. I am hoping they would understand my hidden message and my cry for affordable therapy. Some claim the working police car only exists in the fantasy world. They miss the point. I am starting to cold sweat like Crazy and I can’t think of anything but lead. I don’t like this misery and I want my less guilty life back. A voice in my head says I think too much and that’s why I suffer. The same voice says there is only one way to have a guilt free life and fans in whose eyes I can do no wrong. I decide to become a politician.

On Looking Trendy – Zune


Zune
Microsoft is challenging Apple for a chunk of the looking trendy market with its second generation Zune do-everything-but-that media players. The new Zune is sleek and like a tall leggy model with a short skirt blowing in the wind; it can hold your attention with excitement. The Zune is aimed at making people feel good about themselves and in many cases it can give people a life worth living. The Zune isn’t cheap since having expensive things is paramount to creating a good false impression. Strangely, if you have a Zune and need to appear to be completely trendy you will have to sport the almost redundant iPhone with a Samsung Bluetooth headset. But the show isn’t over unless you pretend to be talking to someone every five minutes in a loud voice and authoritative tone so that everyone within earshot plus six feet will know your imaginary personal assistant has bungled again and your paper plane flight to Japan or Iraq was delayed by five whole minutes. Naturally, you would also need to have a laptop, preferably a silver Apple, failing which then simply an empty executive laptop bag containing the tuna sandwich your mom made. There are so many other things which will make a person look trendy besides expensive hi-tech devices and a stone cold face but I just can’t think of any more right now.

Beer Price Increase


Carib Beer

The price of beer is going up on the local market and this has caused nausea and poor judgment among the loyal drinking community. One newspaper reported a bar fanatic almost fell off his stool on receiving the news, which was amazing since he normally falls off completely. Others were more than bitter and said they would now have to drink rum and scotch instead of beer and hangovers may never be the same. Some ugly drinkers threatened to stop buying condoms and reallocate funds from their sex life to their beer life. Being election time, one political party promised to subsidize beer instead of milk if it ever gets elected as the population would need huge amounts of alcohol and very little milk to cope with them in government. However, a spokesman for the beer company expects beer sales to climb because drinking is all anyone can do to cope with price increases.

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