The Dysfunctional Follower – aka Aka


Recent events had left Aka in turmoil. He became depressed and lost all enthusiasm for trouble. Turmoil was a necessary evil which helped the mind to grow. That is what The Master always said. The Master was Aka’s Guru, and sometimes financial adviser. The Master had become an internationally acclaimed guru and the author of several bestselling books, such as The Idiot’s Guide To Mountain Top Gurus, How To Path With Your Money in 5 Easy Steps – Starting Now, The Modern Guru’s Guide To Blogging, and his most recent ground breaking scientific work, Razor Blades and Other Cutting Edge Technologies.

The Master had a great influence on Aka and it was through his wisdom Aka had managed his life impeccably, until now. The Master had said something many years ago, which for some reason kept haunting Aka, and now more than ever. “Trouble is like stretch-fit-jeans, it doesn’t matter how big or old you are you can always get into it.” The Master was very wise, at least wiser than Aka.

The journey to The Master’s palace was never easy. Aka thought that this rough and perilous voyage was symbolic of life’s journey to find meaning. Others thought The Master was simply too cheap to have the road fixed. The Master was always good with money.

It took four days and three donkeys, excluding Aka, to get to The Master’s palace. Aka was convinced only The Master could end his present confusion. His guru understood human nature and had years of experience repairing troubled souls. The Master was famous for wacky wisdom and his philosophy was: wacky wisdom for wacky people. It took The Master many years and hundreds of dysfunctional people to perfect this wisdom. Aka was The Masters most prized accomplishment and this had the guru very uneasy.

Aka wasted very little time in laying all his troubles at The Master’s feet. He recounted all his recent exploits and also his close shave with the law. The Master listened earnestly and tried not to fall asleep. After Aka was finished, The Master became silent. In philosophical circles, silence was considered the deepest of states; it was the state in which all great wisdom was born. Wisdom is actually common sense but people’s capacity to develop wisdom is almost nonexistent in modern times. That was the reason The Master’s wisdom franchise was flourishing worldwide. Talk is cheap but wisdom will cost you, that was the motto on the sign of the ever successful The Master’s Wisdom Factory and Salad Bar franchise.

Let’s not stray too much and get back to the main plot before the reader brings up another webpage. The wisdom that Aka and his donkeys had laboured for was about to be born and Aka cringed. The Master, always one for dramatics, threw his hands in the air, like a goalkeeper in heat, and delivered his first salvo “Life is like a woman, you always want the one you don’t have.”

Aka yelled in shock and disbelief, he was a follower repossessed. He made no immediate sense of The Master’s delivery and Aka begged him to explain, but The Master simply smiled in the way all enlightened gurus do. Then a miracle happened, as would be expected in this genre of stories. The dysfunctional follower had finally discovered the reason for his inner turmoil and suffering, and no, it wasn’t gas.

To Be Continued……??